Be the captain of your own ship

Sands blogger Sarah-Jane McCormick writes about coping with strong emotions during grief

The overwhelming feeling of joy and love that we can feel when we find out about our pregnancy, or meet our new child, can be one of the most special experiences for us as human beings. The hope that that new life brings is amazing. When we lose that new life, and that hope, it can be devastating. There is no sense in it, and we can often struggle to cope with our feelings and how to manage the difficult situations that can occur long term. Those difficult times when you are trying to cope with your own emotions, and others have no idea what to say to you…or those awkward times when people ask you how your child is or how the pregnancy is going. 

Then the little voice inside our head starts up….with all sorts of judgments about what went wrong and who’s to blame. We can end up feeling confused, overwhelmed, exhausted and often, numb. 

You may hear others telling you that “time is a great healer”, but there is no time limit on grieving for a lost loved one, and in fact, trying to push your feelings away can be detrimental to our psychological wellbeing. So how do we cope? How do we look after ourselves when we are really struggling and at crisis point?How can we learn to handle painful feelings and get through? 

When we are in a crisis, one of the things we can experience are waves of painful feelings…emotions such as sadness, anger, fear and loneliness. When life becomes really stormy, try to think like the captain of a ship. 

When a storm comes along a ship doesn’t try to keep going the same way as before, it finds safe harbor and drops its anchor.

During grief, our emotions can feel overwhelming and like they are going to drown us, or sweep us away. So, just like that ship in a storm, during a loss we need to hold ourselves steady until the worst of the strong emotion passes. One way to do this is to ground yourself, or in other words, bring your attention back to the present moment and focus on the solid things around you as a way of coping. Take a long deep breath and practice pulling your shoulders back and sitting or standing up straighter. Find something physical to hold onto and deliberately bring your attention to a few objects that you notice in your environment. Allow your eyes to really notice them with curiosity. Keep deliberately focusing on slowing down your breathing. 

The thing to remember is that eventually every storm passes, and you will eventually be able to start to navigate the difficult seas ahead when you are ready. In the meantime, try to hold yourself steady by practicing dropping anchor to cope with strong emotions and ride out the storm. 

For Support Call - 1300 0 72637

The Sands website is full of information and ways to get involved in Sands - please visit us www.sands.org.au

Meet Sarah-Jayne
With more than ten year’s industry experience, Registered Psychologist and Coach Sarah-Jayne McCormick is at the forefront of her field, using evidence-based best practice methodologies, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment (ACT) at her Sydney-based clinic. With experience coaching in both the public and private sectors, Sarah-Jayne provides the highest quality service in all areas of Psychology – including post-graduate research ,teaching  and psychological assessment .

Whilst both treating survivors of trauma and being a passionate advocate for survivors of sexual abuse, Sarah-Jayne is completing a PhD programme at the University of NSW, conducting much-needed research to contribute to the knowledge surrounding child sexual abuse trials. 


Establishing the business, Bright Ideas Psychology in 2010, Sarah-Jayne is a savvy business woman, providing services to some of the nation’s largest and most respected companies, including Channel 7, Vodafone, QBE and Sydney Symphony Orchestra. Sarah-Jayne is  also a member of the Australian Women’s Chamber of Commerce.