What are the Odds? by Emma

Jess writes for Sands again about her precious Emma.

"I didn’t notice when her movements slowed, I didn’t notice when they stopped completely."

Adam sitting next to Emma's special tree

100,000 to 1. The likelihood of a baby in utero catching and succumbing to the kind of infection my daughter caught. At 9am that Tuesday morning her heartbeat was strong, her movements were frequent. At 11:30am it felt as if she was breakdancing in my belly, was that the last time I felt her move? By the next morning there was nothing, just stillness. 

I had spent the day relaxing, after straining my back my Mother-in-law was taking care of my then 19 month old little boy for the day.

I didn’t notice when her movements slowed, I didn’t notice when they stopped completely. I didn’t know that within hours she had become completely septic from an infection that came from my body but was in no way my fault, or preventable. 100,000 to 1 my doctor told me. The number is astronomical, inconceivable! For so long I thought, how can I be that unlucky?

But somebody has to be that one:  Why not me? What makes me an exception to the number? My strength? My resilience? My ability to ‘look on the bright side?’ So far I’ve not seen a bright side and some days my strength is nowhere to be found but I am trying to make my daughter’s life mean something. I will forever have a profound bond with my son who has gets me through the ‘fog’ on a daily basis. My husband and I have such a deep understanding and respect for each other, nothing can tear us apart.

Emma has given me the courage and confidence to start studying which has prompted me to start moving on, to begin thinking about what I want to be when I ‘grow up.’ I want to make a difference in kid’s lives, I want to make every day their best day ever!

I want to be Adam and Emma’s Mum and I want them to always be connected. I want to give them siblings and I want to teach them about our beautiful angel in Heaven, always smiling down on us.                                                                                              

Jess  

If you require support after reading this blog please contact

Sands on 13 000 72637

Jessica Lawless

Jessica lives in Victoria. She is the wife to Shane and a Mum to 2 beautiful kids - Adam, nearly 2 and Emma, born sleeping August 2014.

I like to practice yoga, cook, read and spend all my time being a SAHM with Adam. My family and friends are my whole world, there is barley a distinction between the two.

I hope by being so open and honest about my experiences I can help raise awareness and provide support for others.