Today (7/8/16) one year ago Heaven got another angel.
The loss of Tristan was the worst out of my two miscarriages and I’ll tell you
why.
On the 7th of August my husband and
daughter were supposed to go to WWE that was in Melbourne that night and due to
bleeding that day my husband decided to stay home and care for me. I was
begging him to go and not let out 5 year old down but as a husband he must have
known. At 2am on the 8th of August I had a huge bleed, what felt to
me was the size of a newborn slipping away and then I got dizzy. My husband
rang the ambulance and I went to hospital. I went to the hospital on my own and
for the next 8 hours was a nightmare. I was in so much pain, every inch I moved
blood would pour from me like a bucket getting tipped on my bed and even the
endone wouldn’t ease the pain and the bag of blood I was receiving wasn’t
catering for what was coming out.
It was a night I wanted to end as soon as I
could. It got to a point where I knew deep down I was losing my baby and asked
if there was a way to hurry it along and they didn’t want to because they said
he might be ok.
At 10am that morning the pains got worse and I
needed to push. I finally got a cleaner’s attention and she got me help. I was
pushed up to the birthing suit and given gas as well as a tablet to help things
along. By the time I got up there and comfortable I had a puddle of blood and
something bouncing off my legs. That’s when they looked and saw my little man
laying there in his sack.
Within a few minutes I was holding my little
man I was devastated: 3 boys and I wasn’t even entitled to keep one. That’s
when I noticed his little heart beating through his chest and I didn’t know
what to do or think. So what I did was covered him up and placed him in the cot
next to me to let him go. I couldn’t stand watching. It was giving me false
hope.
By the time my husband and kids came in he was
cold and resting. And I remember the girls saying mum he is sticky. But they
were still so proud of him.
By night I was finally aloud to come home. I
was so excited to relax but Luke needed to help me around because I was feeling
rather dizzy and almost falling over. I was confused as to why I was so bad
until I got a phone call saying my blood levels were far too low being on 70ish
and needing to be on 120. So I had to go back.
When I went back I had to go up to birthing
suit. And that is where they left me. In a room across from a screaming baby
until lunch the next day to receive my 3 bags of blood. I remember one cleaning
lady come and ask where my baby was “in care?” she asked ever so nicely and I
just replied “no my baby didn’t make it.” She was shocked she was very sorry
and I said it wasn’t her fault.
But that is why this miscarriage was the worst.
I seem to do great until these little days
where no one remembers and they wonder why you’re are not in a happy mood or
why you say your day hasn’t been great. Or little comments like don’t loose this one (being pregnant
again) or on anniversaries you want to talk and you get oh one of your kids died. I
miss my boys each and every day but I go on living for the princesses I’ve got
but days like today are always the hardest.
Tiffany
If you require
support after reading this blog please contact
Sands on 13 000 72637
Tiffany Aghan
Wife to Luke and mummy to Tamara and Summer, in her arms, and Wade, Jax and Tristan, in heaven. I have recently completed certificates in law and in psychology and in the process of completing certificate in medicine. I am having time off at the moment to spend more time with my girls. But I am hoping one day I will continue where I want to go.
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