(Valentine's Day) Coopers Day by Samantha & Paul

This week on the 14th February my beautiful son would be turning 4.  4 years old…wow, even saying that feels weird!

To some people 4 years doesn’t sound like an incredibly long time, but as a Bereaved Mother who hasn’t seen her son for 4 years, it feels like a lifetime.

As a woman who loves love, I have always loved Valentine’s Day.  In all honesty, it used to be my favourite day of the year.  I was working in the city and would see florists running back and forth with beautiful bunches of flowers all day. As I sat on the train on my way home, I would see ladies (and men) carrying beautiful bouquets and wearing big beaming smiles.  I loved everything about Valentine’s Day.

In 2014 everything changed. Our son Cooper Joseph Rowe was born on 14th February 2014 at 10.41 pm at night.  He was stillborn (not breathing upon arrival into this world) and at the time I was all alone as the hospital had earlier sent my partner home.  Cooper was born at 22 weeks gestation so was perfectly formed but just a little too young to survive outside of my tummy.  His arrival and passing was heartbreaking.  It was unexpected and irrevocably changed not only our lives but also the lives of those around us forever.

The first year was tough….VERY tough.  If I be brutally honest, I had times where I questioned my own worth and desire to remain in this world.  I was so full of anger and just couldn’t understand how this had happened to us.  I was also very unwell following Coopers delivery and ended up being re-hospitalised for almost a month and needing lifesaving surgery.  This definitely delayed us being able to grieve the loss of our son.

Eventually I was well enough for release and that’s when our new reality really hit home.  We barely survived each day, it was all one small step at a time.  Those days were full of heartbreak, tears, broken spirits, arguments and most of all deep seeded grief for the loss of our firstborn son.  Everything seemed to trigger me and I would end up sobbing at the drop of a hat.  Everyone else had gone back to their normal lives but for us, we were still desperately missing our son.

As time went on, my partner & I went back to work and did the normal routine things that people do.  We knew that we wanted to honour our sons memory.  We also knew that Valentine’s Day would never be the same.

The following year in 2015, my partner & I made a promise to do something special on Coopers Day, and as such have done so ever since.  No longer do we celebrate Valentine’s Day, we instead acknowledge his day.  It is Coopers Day.  A day that belongs to him alone. 

We have started to take holidays each year in February and make sure that we are somewhere other than home for Coopers Day.  Last year we were in Hawaii, this year, we will be in Palm Cove.  Perhaps in a way it is a subconscious attempt at escaping the sadness and instead trying to find some small amount of joy in his day.  I would give anything to have Cooper back with us, but as that is not an option, I instead settle for making precious new memories each year in his honour.

Happy Coopers Day from Samantha & Paul xx

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Samantha Rowe

My name is Samantha. I am a Bereaved Mother located in Melbourne.

My partner and I have had an incredibly tough baby journey to date. We have lost 8 consecutive pregnancies/babies and are yet to have a living child.

Cooper was stillborn on 14.02.14

Hudson was stillborn on 23.01.15

Emma & Zoe (identical momo twins) tangled their cords and passed away on 30.08.15

I’ve also had subsequent miscarriages on 16.09.16, 31.12.16, 13.10.17 & 16.11.17.

We are commencing ivf shortly to see if that can help us achieve our dreams of becoming parents to a living child.

I run a social enterprise called Memories of an Angel which raises awareness for Pregnancy & Infant Loss. We sell Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness ribbons, pins and a collection of other Pink & Blue items. I am extremely passionate about raising awareness for Pregnancy & Infant Loss and very proud to be pioneering the cause and bringing these special keepsakes to bereaved individuals and families across Australia.

Memories of an Angel also coordinates a variety of events for special days such as International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, International Bereaved Mother’s Day, International Bereaved Father’s Day etc.