Monday, 7 December 2015

My First Christmas Without You - Lauren

Lauren talks about how this Christmas will be different as it is the first Christmas without precious Laylah and how her family will remember her.

The countdown to Christmas is on and all the tell-tale signs of the ‘most wonderful time of the year’ are all around. Shops full of decorations, cute little festive outfits for children and parents lined up with screaming kids for hours just to get that one photo with the big jolly man. I normally love Christmas and all that comes along with it, I have the carols playing from the 1st December and I’m a sucker for all the gorgeous houses lit up at this time of the year.
This year it’s different, it’s the first Christmas we have had to spend without our baby girl. I had already planned out how this Christmas day was going to go with my bub being 11 months old, she would have been the perfect age for unwrapping presents and being more excited about the wrapping than the actual present. She would be doted over by the family as she is the first grandchild for my side and she would be able to enjoy all the yummy food but reality is this Christmas is going to be far from how I imagined it. 
Instead this year for me it becomes another day I have to survive and just try and get through. The shine is slightly dulled on the Christmas cheer as I’m not feeling so joyful. This year my only Christmas wish is to hold my daughter just once more in my arms and kiss her little head, I would trade every Christmas just for that.
For this year I have planned 3 things that are all about remembering my baby.
Christmas decoration
Last Christmas while heavily pregnant and waddling around the shops I had decided that I wanted to start the tradition in our family of buying a special decoration each year for my kids to hang on the Christmas tree. My Mum did something similar for us and setting up the Christmas tree was always such an exciting night in our family and even up until I was about 17 we would all have a night where we would set the tree up all together as a family. 
So although my baby girl isn’t here to celebrate Christmas as I had of wished she will still have two special ornaments on the tree, one from when I was pregnant with her last year and this year’s decoration.
Christmas stocking 
I bought a special Christmas stocking that I have had my daughter’s name embroidered on. It makes me smile to see it and it will now be a tradition to have the Laylah stocking hanging up near the tree every year and on Christmas morning it will be filled with hugs and kisses from Santa. 
Kmart wishing tree
I plan to donate a Christmas present to the Kmart wishing tree, to make it more meaningful I plan to get a present for an 11 month old girl. Something that I think Laylah would have loved for Christmas and hopefully it will bring joy to another little munchkin and makes her smile of Christmas morning.  
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Lauren Samuels

Lauren Samuels is a Melbourne based blogger. Through her own personal journey of losing her full term daughter to stillbirth it has been a huge test of character to keep moving and feel alive again. Blogging and sharing her personal experience has helped to make sense of the curve balls life has thrown and now she is all about enjoying the small things each and every day. Lauren is a wife to Jonathan, Mother to her angel Laylah and pregnant with bubba 2. You can follow her journey at or on instagram @enjoythe.smallthings

1 comment:

  1. Joining in your rememberance Lauren and thanks for sharing