(Valentine's Day) Coopers Day by Samantha & Paul

This week on the 14th February my beautiful son would be turning 4.  4 years old…wow, even saying that feels weird!

To some people 4 years doesn’t sound like an incredibly long time, but as a Bereaved Mother who hasn’t seen her son for 4 years, it feels like a lifetime.

As a woman who loves love, I have always loved Valentine’s Day.  In all honesty, it used to be my favourite day of the year.  I was working in the city and would see florists running back and forth with beautiful bunches of flowers all day. As I sat on the train on my way home, I would see ladies (and men) carrying beautiful bouquets and wearing big beaming smiles.  I loved everything about Valentine’s Day.

In 2014 everything changed. Our son Cooper Joseph Rowe was born on 14th February 2014 at 10.41 pm at night.  He was stillborn (not breathing upon arrival into this world) and at the time I was all alone as the hospital had earlier sent my partner home.  Cooper was born at 22 weeks gestation so was perfectly formed but just a little too young to survive outside of my tummy.  His arrival and passing was heartbreaking.  It was unexpected and irrevocably changed not only our lives but also the lives of those around us forever.

The first year was tough….VERY tough.  If I be brutally honest, I had times where I questioned my own worth and desire to remain in this world.  I was so full of anger and just couldn’t understand how this had happened to us.  I was also very unwell following Coopers delivery and ended up being re-hospitalised for almost a month and needing lifesaving surgery.  This definitely delayed us being able to grieve the loss of our son.

Eventually I was well enough for release and that’s when our new reality really hit home.  We barely survived each day, it was all one small step at a time.  Those days were full of heartbreak, tears, broken spirits, arguments and most of all deep seeded grief for the loss of our firstborn son.  Everything seemed to trigger me and I would end up sobbing at the drop of a hat.  Everyone else had gone back to their normal lives but for us, we were still desperately missing our son.

As time went on, my partner & I went back to work and did the normal routine things that people do.  We knew that we wanted to honour our sons memory.  We also knew that Valentine’s Day would never be the same.

The following year in 2015, my partner & I made a promise to do something special on Coopers Day, and as such have done so ever since.  No longer do we celebrate Valentine’s Day, we instead acknowledge his day.  It is Coopers Day.  A day that belongs to him alone. 

We have started to take holidays each year in February and make sure that we are somewhere other than home for Coopers Day.  Last year we were in Hawaii, this year, we will be in Palm Cove.  Perhaps in a way it is a subconscious attempt at escaping the sadness and instead trying to find some small amount of joy in his day.  I would give anything to have Cooper back with us, but as that is not an option, I instead settle for making precious new memories each year in his honour.

Happy Coopers Day from Samantha & Paul xx

If you require support after reading this blog, please contact Sands on 13000 72637

Samantha Rowe

My name is Samantha. I am a Bereaved Mother located in Melbourne.

My partner and I have had an incredibly tough baby journey to date. We have lost 8 consecutive pregnancies/babies and are yet to have a living child.

Cooper was stillborn on 14.02.14

Hudson was stillborn on 23.01.15

Emma & Zoe (identical momo twins) tangled their cords and passed away on 30.08.15

I’ve also had subsequent miscarriages on 16.09.16, 31.12.16, 13.10.17 & 16.11.17.

We are commencing ivf shortly to see if that can help us achieve our dreams of becoming parents to a living child.

I run a social enterprise called Memories of an Angel which raises awareness for Pregnancy & Infant Loss. We sell Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness ribbons, pins and a collection of other Pink & Blue items. I am extremely passionate about raising awareness for Pregnancy & Infant Loss and very proud to be pioneering the cause and bringing these special keepsakes to bereaved individuals and families across Australia.

Memories of an Angel also coordinates a variety of events for special days such as International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, International Bereaved Mother’s Day, International Bereaved Father’s Day etc.

A Dad's Thoughts on Father's Day

As we approach Father’s Day, Sands Volunteer Parent Supporter, Chris Tsockallos reflects on what Father’s Day is like for him.

Eleven years ago, my wife delivered twins at 19 weeks gestation and our lives were completely shattered. After many years of fertility treatment to achieve this pregnancy, we didn’t even know if we could get pregnant again. We didn’t know if we would ever be parents to a living child. Our feelings of grief and loss were so overwhelming in those first few weeks and months, we needed to take time to physically and emotionally deal with what we were going through.

We first heard about Sands through the hospital. We attended a number of support meetings and I spoke to bereaved fathers at the meetings who were very supportive. I got to hear about their journeys through this difficult time.

Sometimes men may find it harder to open up as they feel they may need to be strong through this difficult period. In a lot of cases the father may be the financial provider and he may need to return to work.

Significant days like anniversaries, holidays, and Father’s Day can bring up very mixed emotions. For bereaved fathers, Father’s Day is a challenging day which may bring up feelings of great emotional sadness.

Each father deals with their loss in different ways. I like to spend part of my day on my own with my thoughts of my children who are not here with me on the day. Each Father’s Day we visit our twins at the cemetery. Although I think about our twins every day, on Father’s Day I like to be as close as I can with them and to reflect on my love for them and the place they hold in my heart. To me this is a time when I feel the closest to them.

Father’s Day is a day of emotional contrast for me. I get to celebrate the day with my ten year old daughter while at the same time reflect on my children who are not with me.

Some fathers may like to keep busy and active through physical recreation or surround themselves with family. Each dad has their own way of dealing with Father’s Day.

The one thing I have learned through grieving for our twins is not to be afraid to let your emotions out. If you need to cry or feel sad do it. Also don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talk to your partner. Let her know how you are feeling. If you have a family member or friend who will listen, talk to them about how you are feeling.  Please also remember that Sands has a dedicated Men’s Support Line where you can speak to other bereaved Dads who have a level of empathy that others males may not have. Talking to someone who has gone through a similar experience can be of huge help.

It is also important to communicate with your partner and be there for each other.

Every day I think about our twins. I wonder what they would have been like. I feel sad that they are not here with us. However they are always in my heart. While I am saddened by our loss, at the same time I feel thankful for our daughter who has brought so much joy into our lives.

Chris Tsockallos

If you require support after reading this blog please contact 

Sands on 1300 072 637

Eleven years ago, my wife delivered twins at 19 weeks gestation and our lives were completely shattered. After many years of fertility treatment to achieve this pregnancy, we didn’t even know if we could get pregnant again. We didn’t know if we would ever be parents to a living child. Our feelings of grief and loss were so overwhelming in those first few weeks and months, we needed to take time to physically and emotionally deal with what we were going through.

Sands were extremely supportive to my wife and myself after the loss of our twins. We attended a number of support meetings and I spoke to bereaved dads at the meetings who were very helpful. I got to hear about their journey through this difficult time. Speaking to them was invaluable.

Now it is time for me to give back to Sands. As a Sands Volunteer Parent Supporter I think I can help other dads through such a difficult time.

You can read more about Chris here.

The day our twins were born

Sands blogger Lauren Matheson tells her story of her twins who were born premature

After four rounds of IVF, my husband and I were overjoyed to finally fall pregnant - with twins!   We were eagerly counting down the days until the morphology scan, I’d been feeling anxious and was looking forward to reassurance that everything was ok.  The examination began, and our babies looked perfect.  We were thrilled to discover we were expecting a boy and a girl. When the sonographer commented she couldn’t see my cervix.  I naively asked if this was a problem (honestly I had no idea what this meant). I was told not to worry, as our daughter was sitting low, blocking the view.  Afterwards, a Doctor arrived and asked if she could scan me, I knew then something wasn’t right.  

The next few hours passed quickly. I was diagnosed with an Incompetent Cervix (seriously who comes up with these names?!), and was rushed to hospital where I was admitted and taken straight to the antenatal ward. My Obstetrician came to see us, and it wasn’t until she began discussing the viability of our babies and when/if intervention would occur that the reality of our situation sank in.  

We decided I would be scanned again in a few days, and I would stay in hospital on strict bed rest and medication. However just two days later I woke with a dull ache stretching across my belly.  Initially I was given panadol for relief, however it soon became clear I was having contractions.  Laying on the bed waiting to be examined the contractions quickly intensified and I couldn’t lay still. My Doctor struggled to confirm what I already suspected, I was in labour and 3cm dilated.  At 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant, I asked the question I already knew the answer to “Am I losing our babies?”.

The next few hours are a blur.  Spaced out on pethadine, I remember being taken to the birth suites while my contractions gained strength and frequency. I can remember watching the seconds tick by, counting down to the next contraction and also hoping they would miraculously disappear.  Our daughter arrived quickly. She was wrapped up and passed to me, where I cuddled her for the short time she was with us. My husband was by my side the whole time and I remember feeling selfish, that he didn’t hold her whilst she was alive. Not long later our baby boy arrived sleeping.  

Back in my room,  I watched my husband making calls to our family, whispering words we never thought we’d say.  

Our babies sharing a cot, were next to my bed. They were dressed in tiny clothes, our daughter in pink and our son in blue.  They each had a beautiful quilt, and knitted teddy nestled beside them.  Initially I was too scared to hold them and I just stared at their tiny bodies as the tears fell.  Eventually I picked them up, and held them close to my chest, I was overwhelmed with love for my babies.  For the next 24 hours my husband and I tried to absorb their every detail, and we took hundreds of photos in the process.  We held them, undressed and washed their tiny bodies.   I become obsessed with keeping them warm, and continuously redressed and wrapped them together in soft blankets. It was also important to us that they stay together, I didn’t want them to be scared and alone.  The following day I was discharged, but I couldn’t leave.  With each cuddle and kiss I told myself this will be the last one, I would then leave, but I couldn’t.  Eventually we left the hospital, with empty arms.    

In the days that followed, I became consumed searching for information about why this had happened and what could be done to prevent it. 

I came across SANDS early in my search and contacted the Brisbane office. I wasn’t sure what to expect, or what I wanted in return when I sent that first email. I just knew I needed to reach out to someone, anyone, who may have some kind of understanding of what we were going through.  I received a reply quickly, and was comforted by their words, by the acknowledgement from an ‘outsider’ that our babies existed and were special.  While we didn’t utilise the support services, we were comforted in the knowledge they were available if we needed them.   

It’s now been three years and our grief hasn’t gone away. Instead it has changed and we have learnt how to cope so we can continue to live our lives.  I think we will always hold onto ‘What If’ and we find this especially hard on their birthday and holidays.  

Their memories are never far from our thoughts and they hold a special place in our hearts so they are always with us.

More about Lauren

Lauren lives in sunny Queensland with her two little boys, husband and dog. She is also a Mum to twins who were born premature and sadly passed away in 2011.  She loves baking, books, coffee and reading the occasional trashy gossip mag. You can find her over at her blog Create Bake Make.

For Support call: 1300 0 72637

Sands have a suite of brochures available you maybe interested in the following:

When a Baby Has Died

Creating Memories

Breaking from the heart break

Sands blogger Trudi Bristow shares her story about the loss of her twins and how it changed her life

From the moment we heard TWINS our life changed. My body changed and grew rapidly, and my slight figure felt the physical changes hard and fast whilst I continued to work full time. We were heading towards the middle of our pregnancy and our morphology scan was fast approaching when I started to have a lot of complaints. 

But I had started to feel my babies move around so I felt assured all was well with them, and that things were perhaps just not right with me.

I was so wrong. The days that preceded us having our morphology scan were difficult ones. I was having pain, spotting, irritability and I just wasn’t myself, I couldn’t sleep. The Wednesday of that week saw me taken to hospital in an ambulance; with pain that was getting the better of me. From that day things got serious as we started to learn how truly rare and unique the twins I was carrying were. Our girls were mono-mono twins sharing the same sac and placenta, a pregnancy that out of all twin pregnancies is the rarest second to Siamese Twins. 

As our story goes I was discharged from hospital because after tests no underlying issues could be pinpointed to what was happening to me. I was cautioned though, that if it continued and especially if I had more bleeding to return to hospital. Two days later on the Friday morning, I was back in hospital and no closer to an answer to why I was in pain like I had never felt before.

Early Sunday evening of May 25th 2008 I changed forever, our lives changed forever, our innocence changed forever when through the most horrific pain I have ever endured my waters ruptured with the intensity and force that felt like an explosion which immediately caused my sweet girls to be born into the hospital toilet. 

A primal scream of heart break and despair released from my body and in that moment I became shell of the person I was and in an instant changed forever.

In the days, hours and weeks that followed I wished the grim reaper would relieve me from my hell, but for seconds I’d have fleeting moments of clarity, moments of clarity where a new person was forming; a new me. A person who did not want such heartbreak be what would define the remainder of my life, in those moments I was determined that as much as it hurt I would journey to find some bliss and happiness in life again.

Two cycles after losing our girls we fell pregnant and in April of 2009 were blessed with the successful birth of our first son after an extremely emotionally difficult pregnancy. Our baby boy started to heel our hearts, despite the throes of grief we were still in. We were overjoyed by him but our grief yearned to fill the holes in our hearts, so we started trying for another baby when he was just six months old, which saw us have two further losses and then the arrival our daughter.

During all this time I longed to release myself of the words in my head and heart so I started a blog to document our story. Little did I know that by starting a blog that my story would connect me to others all around the world. Suddenly I started to have people willing to be there to offer words of support and encouragement along the way. I started to see how other bloggers were sharing their life’s experiences, stories, talents and passions to connect with others. These wonderful supportive people were responsible for starting little fires in my heart again, reigniting my soul and my life’s passions.

Slowly but surely over five years I have a honoured  the calling in my heart to live out my passions, fear no longer holds me back from anything I want to try. How can it? The worst has already happened. All I have to do is think of my girls and know I have lived through the darkest and what at times seemed like the most insurmountable days, to be where I am today.   

As a result nearly four years ago I started a second blog all about my love and passion for a vintage loving life. It has gone on to honour all my creative, collector and entrepreneurial passions and who I am at my core.

I no longer add any new posts to my original blog that holds my girls journey, but it remains public and there for those who feel lost and alone and caught in the darkness of loss. I now blog at My Vintage Childhood and run a vintage children’s business, whilst juggling my three earthbound loves whilst guided by my angel girls Elle and Meg in everything I do.

Meet Trudi

I’m a mum, wife, dreamer, blogger, business owner, post traumatic stress sufferer, I’m a survivor, vintage lover and an angel mumma to four heavenly souls. Five years ago I started writing a blog after the loss of our twin girls Elle and Meg and that single one decision along with my story of loss has transformed my life. My name is Trudie and these days I live out my passions and dreams at My Vintage Childhood, and I am constantly reminded that through such heartbreak a blessed and full life can be lived, and that is what I wish for you too.

For Support Call 1300 0 72637

You may also want to read these Sands brochures for further information:

Planning Another Pregnancy

Creating Memories