As I read the blogs from others who have suffered a miscarriage, I often wonder: “Am I really like these other parents?” The answer of course is ‘yes’ because we have all suffered a major trauma, a major loss. How we cope with it is what makes us different and yet again the same.
I am so envious of those who have the support of this wonderful group and are able to speak out to help other mothers. Had I been the same and had this support 36 years ago, I wonder if I would have handled my grief better/differently to the way I did. I think it so brave that parents are able to speak about loss at a time when they are vulnerable and still living in a society that is not prepared to speak of death, at least not the deaths of these little ones. Death is expected at old age but not when we carry our little ones – I think this is part of the reason it is traumatic i.e. unexpected and sudden, the event itself needing to be dealt with before the grief process can begin, as it is a grief that endures.
Losing a baby through miscarriage is a heartbreaking situation, never to be forgotten even when other children come along, our rainbow babies, being able to go on and have other children; after all I planned to have four children living. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like for parents who could never have a successful outcome, to hold that precious bundle in their arms.
Why do I keep reflecting on this so many years later you may ask, it is because others I love have endured both miscarriage and stillbirth, from family to friends and could do very little to help at the time except be there. People deal with things differently from not talking about it or pretending it had no impact, or like me just wanted to talk to anyone who would listen, except when my miscarriage occurred there was no-one who would listen except one friend and that was because she had been through it too. My husband at the time emotionally shut off, so I was unable to share this grief with him, a grief that not only affected me emotionally but also physically because of the pain it caused.
Thank you again for reading this blog, my reflection and hope you find comfort in the following words I wrote last year.
We wonder what might have been.
These little Angels of ours.
Never to have held them or watch them grow Never to know them the hardest part.
They tell us that all will be okay
As we continue our journey this day.
They will be forever with us, A special place in our hearts.
Our little Angels above Take with you our love,
As we honour your memory On the wings of the dove.
Never to be forgotten.
(Taken from Little Angels by Therese 260716)
Therese Murphy 140717
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13 000 72637
Therese has worked in the field of counselling and community development for over 20 years. She has worked predominantly in the health and welfare field. She has worked in the primary school sector counselling children through a range of loss and grief and traumatic experiences.
Therese has also delivered a number of conference papers on the theme of children’s loss and grief and articles on stress management too. She also worked as a Sessional teacher in the TAFE system and the Private Sector in the Community Services area, including Mental Health Welfare for over 20 years. She is also an experienced Supervisor.
Therese has as a small business conducting Reiki, Inner Child Therapy, Meditation and similar therapies. She is also works as a Group Facilitator and teaches stress management and relaxation techniques within the local community as well as running workshops in the areas of trauma and loss and grief and related areas.
Therese is a published poet and has three children and four delightful grandsons. She enjoys nothing more than a good cup of coffee and the occasional glass of wine or bubbly. She is passionate about climate change and the environment, wanting a clean world for her grandchildren to grow up in and one where any type of violence is not tolerated.