Running Away on Mother’s Day

In this blog Larissa shares the story of her first Mother's Day:

A woman’s first Mother’s Day as a mother should be a happy day. It should be filled 
with family, joy and maybe even a gift or two if you’re lucky. I remember eagerly 
anticipating Mother’s Day 2013 – my first baby was to be three months old and I 
could finally stand up in church when they acknowledged all the mothers. I was 
excited, I was joyful. 

And then my baby died. 

My daughter was stillborn at full-term in January 2013 and Mother’s Day that year 
became a day to dread. The merchandise in the stores made me feel physically ill and 
I turned away if ever I saw a Mothers Day advert on TV. 

I couldn’t help but wonder if my family and friends would include me when they acknowledged the mothers in their lives, and I certainly didn’t want to be in church when they asked the mums to stand up or raise their hands. 

Would people look at me? Should I stand? Did people still think I was a mum? Many questions swirled through my mind whenever I thought of the upcoming day. 

As the day approached I became more and more anxious. I didn’t know what I wanted 

to do and I didn’t know how I would cope. So I did the only thing I could think of that would help: I ran away! 

My husband and I had been given some money to spend on a holiday when we felt we 
needed one. And boy, did I need one on Mother’s Day weekend! We booked a room 
at a fancy beachside hotel, planning to spoil ourselves a little and hopefully ease the 
pain of missing our daughter. Not only would I not have to face any people I knew, 
but I could also order room service if I really didn’t feel like seeing anyone. 

It was the perfect thing to do. I came down with a horrible cold the day before 

Mothers Day, but at least I was sick in a beautiful room with food being brought to 

me! I still missed my daughter, but at least I had the space to miss her in my own way. 

A short getaway was just what I needed – it meant I had something to look forward to 

on a day I was otherwise dreading. 

And for the record, we went to church that night and I raised my hand along with all 

the other mums. My baby may have died, but she still counts. Just like your baby. 

Larissa is a wife to Marcus and a mother to two beautiful children – Ariella Jade in 

Heaven and Levi William in her arms. She loves spaghetti bolognaise and the smell of 

rain, but neither of them could make her smile when, after a textbook pregnancy, 

Ariella unexpectedly died at 39 weeks gestation. No reason was ever found for her 

death. Soon after Ariella’s death Larissa began writing. You can find her posts at 

Deeper Still, Facebook and on Still Standing Magazine.