Wednesday, 14 May 2014

What Defines a Mother?

Sands Blogger Tiffany Bell questions the definition of Mother:
What defines a mother? According to the dictionary you need to have given birth to a child to become a mother… Does this mean that every women who has suffered a miscarriage is not a mother? How can this definition be so ‘simple and direct’, when in fact the role of a mother is so intricate and delicate. I believe a women becomes a mother the first time her heart falls in love with the little baby she is carrying. 
Once she’s fallen in love, no one can take away that part of her heart that has been given to another living soul. 
People talk about ‘love at first sight’…a mother doesn’t have to see her baby to fall in love, she just has to feel that little soul nestle into her heart; and once it’s there it can never be taken away. Our babies may not be in our arms, but they’re always in out hearts.
It’s that time of year again where we turn our thoughts to preparations for Mother’s Day. Children making cards for their Mums whilst at school, husbands browsing the card aisles for an applicable card, florists ordering extra bunches of flowers…these are the things that seem normal, the things that are done out of tradition, almost like an unspoken ‘guide book’ that everyone follows to ensure that Mothers are remembered on this one day of the year. But what about the Mothers without their children…there’s no ‘guide book’ as to how they are to prepare for Mother’s Day or how they should be made to feel special on this day.
How do you celebrate Mothers Day when your arms are empty and your heart is aching for the babies you carried but never got to meet? Others around you don’t know if they should talk about it or ignore the subject all together. Going out for lunch seems like a cruel reminder when everywhere you look there are mothers and their children enjoying each others company.
For family and friends wondering how to ‘be or act’ around mothers who have lost their babies, don’t ignore the subject, just treat us like any other mother. Please don’t tell us that ‘one day you’ll be a mother’, because firstly, we already are mothers, and secondly, it makes us feel that the ‘one day’ is the day that will ‘define’ us, when in actual fact it’s a journey.
So this Mothers Day I’m going to celebrate the little lives that I’ve created. 
I gave my babies all the love and care I could give them for as long as I had them, and they’ll always know that I did the best that I could for them at the time. For me, the greatest mothers are those that give their children the best they can, and I did just that… I can, and I will celebrate Mothers Day, because there are two little pieces in my heart that will forever be devoted to the little souls I fell in love with when they entered my heart.
Tiffany Bell
Hi! I’m Tiffany, a 24 year old blogger at Young Farm Wives, and freelance graphic designer from South Australia. I’ve been married to my wonderful husband, Lachie, a farmer, for 5 years. We’ve traveled overseas and explored Australia, now we want to settle down and have a family. Sometimes life throws us unexpected experiences, and for us that has been two miscarriages in the last 12 months. We now continue our journey of becoming parents, knowing that we can only do the best we can and let mother nature work her magic.
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